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  #16  
Old 10-09-2021, 10:00 AM
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  #17  
Old 10-09-2021, 01:35 PM
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Originally Posted by LtCrunch View Post
That's not quite the way my mom told it Petey



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  #18  
Old 10-11-2021, 06:27 AM
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An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things.
Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes...
...ok I busted a gut on that and at one, and at my age, that equals a hernia dude.
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  #19  
Old 10-11-2021, 07:28 AM
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Originally Posted by bugeye View Post
I'm only 78 so I can't be the butt of your jokes.
No but you can still be the head of a joke. By the way which way is it to the head, I’m just planning out an escape route.
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  #20  
Old 10-11-2021, 09:53 AM
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  #21  
Old 10-18-2021, 04:03 PM
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WELSH JOKE

Two English tourists were driving through Wales. At the little town of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysili ogogogoch (the town with the longest place-name in the world), they stopped for lunch and one of the tourists asked the very blonde waitress, Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us

Can you pronounce where we are .... very, very, very slowly please?....

The girl leaned over and said, Burrr.... Gurrr.... Kiiing.

Fuzzy
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  #22  
Old 10-18-2021, 06:29 PM
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A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a hot dog. With ketchup.
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  #23  
Old 10-18-2021, 06:39 PM
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Originally Posted by FlysAlot View Post
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders a hot dog. With ketchup.
So you're going to corrupt my threads with ketchup.

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  #24  
Old 10-18-2021, 06:51 PM
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So you're going to corrupt my threads with ketchup.

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What’s wrong with ketchup?
It’s mustard that is disgusting.
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  #25  
Old 10-18-2021, 07:24 PM
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Nothing is wrong with ketchup--- unless you put it on a hotdog or burger. It ruins both the ketchup and the dog or burger.
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  #26  
Old 10-18-2021, 07:26 PM
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My mom use to say she did not like hanging out with old people. She was 85 at the time.
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  #27  
Old 10-18-2021, 07:34 PM
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Old man at the doctor.

Doc: How's your health?
OM: I'm feeling pretty good, these days.
Doc: Have you had a bowel movement today?
OM: Let me check. Drops trou.
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  #28  
Old 10-18-2021, 07:37 PM
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Three old men were sitting around and talking. The 80-year-old said: “The best thing that could happen to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and hurts. I have to go over and over again.”

The 85-year-old said: “The best thing that could happen to me is if I could have one good bowel movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get my hands on and it’s still a problem.”

Then the 90-year-old said: “That’s not my problem. Every morning at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long pee. At around 6:30 am I have a great bowel movement. The best thing that could happen to me would be if I could wake up before 7:00 am.”


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  #29  
Old 10-18-2021, 08:49 PM
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A grasshopper walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey. We have a drink named after you."
The grasshoppers says, "You have a drink named Stanley?"

Not an old folks joke but...
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  #30  
Old 10-18-2021, 09:14 PM
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While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, I know how you feel. My Mom makes me ride in the stroller too..'
*****
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old Granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. 'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now. Carolyn shrugged. 'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'
*****
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children.....One day, I entered the examining room to give four-year-old Lizzie her needle. 'No, no, no!' she screamed. 'Lizzie,' scolded her mother, 'that's not polite behavior.' With that, the girl yelled even louder, 'No, thank you! No, thank you!
******
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, 'Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, 'You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer.'
*****
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. 'I'm going to be away for a long time,' I told him 'I'm going to Iraq ..' 'Why?' he asked. 'Don't you know there's a war going on over there?'
*****
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with cancer, AIDS, and blood diseases. One afternoon, he and his wife, Joanne Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table, suspecting the young patients wouldn't know Newman was a famous movie star, explained, that's the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you've seen his picture on his salad dressing bottle?' Blank stares. 'Well, you've probably seen his face on his lemonade carton.' An eight-year-old girl perked up. 'How long was he missing?'
*****
...and ....God's problem now: His wife's graveside service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little, old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
A smile - is a sign of joy.
A hug - is a sign of love.
A laugh - is a sign of happiness.
And a friend like me?-Well that's just a sign of good taste!
We'll be friends until I am senile.
Then we'll be NEW friends
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